I’m ready

I used this time to make a positive out of negativity one being my life and it was full of sorrow and pain in one form or another. My canvas reflects the positive and even when we feel alone we really don’t walk alone. I was so pumped after I saw medical provider and she told me I was in the surgical program but my appointment with the Lifestyle therapist told me I was not, it felt so defeating but undeterred I keep striving to bring a positive to any roadblock in my path. Will Bariatric surgery happen ?? Honestly, I don’t know and keep asking myself especially when I get two opposing answers. I have another appointment March 1st so hopefully, I can get more respective after I see the medical provider. Disappointment is part of life but I am in control how I choose to react to other persons decisions impacting my life. Hopefully it is something that is going to work out.


New year same focus

A happy new year well after some time away from writing and feeling somewhat defeated, I feel that I needed some time to process a lot of things and since seeing the medical provider today it was a little more uplifting than the letdown, so upon being called back I had the weigh-in and actually lost two pounds. let me expound on that first because I ate more in the last two months that I have the last three years. (Happily shocked) Then the medical provider told me the ” team” discussed my case with the surgical team and there are more appointments coming up with physical therapist and nutritionist so it isn’t a lost cause. Plus I start at Planet Fitness on Jan.7th. I don’t do resolutions first and foremost but maybe 2019 has some goals I can attain. I’m in a better place emotionally than ever before, I covered it up pretty well and I’m working on an art piece that is my story symbolically. The quote ” a picture is worth a thousand words” may apply just wish I would have bought a bigger canvas. Small beginnings sometimes have a bigger impact on us more than we know. More to follow…..

Setbacks are a part of life

I went to see the medical provider and lifestyle therapist and it appeared like a go on from the medical provider that they could present my case to the surgical team but after seeing the lifestyle therapist that aspect of surgery is on hold and the aftercare requires vitamins that are costly and not covered by insurance. the other factor is I don’t eat enough so I have to add a meal and two snack times to increase my metabolism, nonetheless, I have lost nine pounds and I will be part of the medical team till further notice. Yes, I am disappointed but any surgery would still be three or more months away so it gives me time to see what the lump in my breast is and to build my strength. My determination won’t waver, it just fuels me more when I have a setback.


Yesterday I started my stepping program walking at the local mall, walking by all the shops that were lined with mannequins dressed in dress styles I use to wear. I really long to get back in smaller blue jeans more than anything but it is going to take determination and a lot more steps than the 1.54 miles or four trips around which meant I went by Victoria Secret four times thinking of those undergarments I use to purchase there in the past.

I haven’t made as many entries because I was sick last ten days and I really was overwhelmed but that doesn’t stop me and today I see the Bariatric provider along with a Lifestyle provider whatever that is I will be prepared to show her the pedometer app. Look the app wants 6,000 steps out of me a day and the 3700 plus I got yesterday was both a milestone and a reality check because I will have to kick it up a notch each time I go walking at the mall I am scheduled three days a week. That in itself is a good foundation to build on and I can only let it be what it will be.

What we chase

Each of us chases after something whether it’s small or big dreams, careers, etc. The journey goes down many paths. While tomorrow I go see the medical provider for Bariatric surgery, that may have to go in a holding pattern. I have a lump on my breast that 3D imaging didn’t see last Jan. but I had a doctor examine me last week and sure enough it’s there and I am waiting for a diagnostic ultrasound to find out what it is and my positive side is saying it’s just a cyst, benign and no problem. Either way, I am prepared for this new test of my faith.

A little background on my hearts I make they have evolved a great deal and when I first started making them I really didn’t know what they would come to mean to me. I added more dimension and texture because my son is going blind slowly. The other message conveys how our own hearts inside of dealing with so many emotions that we encounter. I don’t know about anyone else but I feel fear, joy, sorrow along with love and so many other things in my heart. We can’t see into one another’s heart whether it is evil or good but so many things I have encountered in my life have been those with evil in their hearts to do what they did to me.

Today my HeArt’s represent all that evil didn’t consume me to the point of bitterness and these HeArt’s represent hope.