When I last made an entry

I had wanted Bariatric surgery but I developed hernia’s and just had three hernia’s repaired. Between the neck surgery and hernia repair I almost feel like a new person, but I digress Bariatric surgery was a no go because of the hernias and walking made my back unstable. The second back surgery I had in 2014 the fused vertabre didnt heal and the screws are loose, so another major surgery is coming up, waiting for referrals for the CT Scan and MRI to be scheduled. There is no guarantee I will get my mobility or have a normal gait till next time. OH I’M TURNING 67 May 14th ,blows my mind, my head says Im younger but how dare my body keeps telling me no. It’s unacceptable and I’m not listening to it and the voices that taunt me. But I’m here and where are you. when I was coming out of the drugs they used to put me out caused something I never experienced before and I saw these mean faces running at me and when I said I’m a child of God” they disappeared of course ” it was the drugs” making sense of it. I am a child of God and blessed.

Happy New Year 2022

Bariatric is off again due to a complicated hernia and I injured my back walking, yes walking I know right who the fuck injures their back walking ten minutes. You would have to go back to 2014 and second back surgery that required rod and screws and yes we had gone on a walk. I use to do ten miles a day cardio and loved the high and I was feeling that natural high.

My back is basically disintegrating and yeah I’m high-risk fucking old, fat, diabetic, although I stopped smoking. My primary doctor is referring me to another Orthosurgeon and neurosurgeon because the pain has been too much at times to bear. The doctor did increase the dosage on two medications and the pain level is bearable. Of course, the ortho doctor didn’t use those terms because we are a fucking politically correct society. Spare me the bullshit and just be straight and I don’t know what will happen if they don’t do surgery because the surgeon that did second back surgery said my spine is like butter. Guess that’s is it if you want a politically correct blog mine isn’t one. I don’t curse and cuss all the time I just want to walk and that dream I have of running certainly doesn’t mean I will be able to walk or run someday. So dreams don’t come true!

Since my set back..

I went for a diagnostic ultrasound and the lump is not cancer I guess a lump can show up for no apparent reason. Yeah, my sense of humor is always on point. I haven’t written for a while and I got through the heavy stuff that I needed to and still working on myself. We are getting ready for the holidays and so I’m taking a break from my art projects till after the new year. Hopefully, after the new year, I will have more to write about but life is on snooze at the moment. It’s better to take a step back than move forward with no plan B. The Bariatric surgery is on hold till I can eat three to four small meals a day and till I can afford the out of pocket expenses for the vitamins and I wanted to see how the ultrasound turned out. Till the new year, I am taking time to focus on the holidays and dealing with the holidays without my little sister for the first time, I went through her photo albums last week and it stirred so many emotions but I bucked up and did it.I know she isn’t suffering anymore but missing her still hurts.

Sayin goodbye to 2021

You know all was well then it wasn’t thankfully I have a sense of humor because I cried then I got over it. I was happy with the walking program it wasn’t long and I don’t know that I could have got up to the benchmark of thirty minutes to get the green light for the Bariatric surgery, but the Surgeon had already told the team it was a no go because of the hernia it was to high risk. Doctors are so politically correct but they are saying I’m to old, fat, and honestly, I heard the same thing about needing back surgery but the risk factors are too great for the reasons listed.

I don’t know if the Surgeon can really ignore the hernia anymore with the last trip to ER guess I will find out in January 2022 just maybe it will be better. I’ve had to fight depression over the Bariatric surgery being nixed. Did I mention it’s a good thing I have a sense of humor?

It’s been a minute here’s the scoop

I was in the Bariatric Program and I had to take a break because of issues from gastroplasty surgery 40 ish years ago. Fast-forward we go into a pandemic and one morning on my way to take a shower I went flying and my knee hit the corner of some boxes packed with non-perishables. Well, I wasn’t getting up and it took the fire department and EMS to get me up.I went to ER and I knew if I couldn’t stand up I messed my knee up and sure enough, it was fractured in two places. I spent 16 days in a rehab facility learning to transfer from bed to wheelchair to bathroom and back to the wheelchair. You would think 2020 was the worse ever but 2021 is in the running for sucking more thankfully I have a sense of humor.

I’m ready

I used this time to make a positive out of negativity one being my life and it was full of sorrow and pain in one form or another. My canvas reflects the positive and even when we feel alone we really don’t walk alone. I was so pumped after I saw medical provider and she told me I was in the surgical program but my appointment with the Lifestyle therapist told me I was not, it felt so defeating but undeterred I keep striving to bring a positive to any roadblock in my path. Will Bariatric surgery happen ?? Honestly, I don’t know and keep asking myself especially when I get two opposing answers. I have another appointment March 1st so hopefully, I can get more respective after I see the medical provider. Disappointment is part of life but I am in control how I choose to react to other persons decisions impacting my life. Hopefully it is something that is going to work out.

New year same focus

A happy new year well after some time away from writing and feeling somewhat defeated, I feel that I needed some time to process a lot of things and since seeing the medical provider today it was a little more uplifting than the letdown, so upon being called back I had the weigh-in and actually lost two pounds. let me expound on that first because I ate more in the last two months that I have the last three years. (Happily shocked) Then the medical provider told me the ” team” discussed my case with the surgical team and there are more appointments coming up with physical therapist and nutritionist so it isn’t a lost cause. Plus I start at Planet Fitness on Jan.7th. I don’t do resolutions first and foremost but maybe 2019 has some goals I can attain. I’m in a better place emotionally than ever before, I covered it up pretty well and I’m working on an art piece that is my story symbolically. The quote ” a picture is worth a thousand words” may apply just wish I would have bought a bigger canvas. Small beginnings sometimes have a bigger impact on us more than we know. More to follow…..